Dear Easter Bunny, Is your real name Shirley?

Because our daughters had a lot of questions about the Easter Bunny, they went straight to the source for some answers. One year they wrote a letter and left it on our coffee table the night before Easter, hoping the Easter Bunny would reply.

Just in case you wonder these things, too, here are the girls’ questions with authoritative responses from the Easter Bunny:

Keep in mind that these were the Easter Bunny’s answers seventeen years ago. The Bunny may answer differently if you ask these questions now.

Dear Easter Bunny,
Can we ask you some questions?

1. Is your real name Shirley?
I don’t think so, but that’s a nice name. It seems like everybody calls me by a different name, so I have learned to answer to every name.

2. Is your job really hard?
My job is pretty hard, but it’s also very much fun.

3. Do you know the tooth fairy?
The tooth fairy is nice. She asked me to remind you to brush your teeth after you eat your candy.

4. Is your full time job hiding eggs?
Hiding eggs is a big job, but I still have time to color the eggs and enjoy the spring flowers.

5. How much do you get paid?
I don’t get paid in money, but my biggest reward is making children happy.

6. What color fur do you have?
Did you ever notice that your eyes look different colors depending upon the light?
My fur is the same way. It looks different to different people.

7. Did you ever have an owner in your previous years?
I have had a lot of friends, but no owner.

8. Do you have any siblings?
Actually, all rabbits have lots of siblings, but mine don’t live with me.

9. Do you know Cristin Brown? (She was my 1st grade daughter’s student teacher.)
I know everyone who was ever a child and who believes in me. Miss Brown will be a great teacher some day.

10. Are you married?
I like being married, and I think that being married helps me be more creative.
We share ideas for hiding places and egg decorations.

11. Do you hide any eggs in other countries?
I hide eggs in every country that celebrates Easter. People in some countries like their eggs decorated differently than yours, and some people even prefer to decorate their own eggs.

12. Do you like tests?
Tests are okay. They are just one of those things that are necessary sometimes.
It is always good to do your best but not to get too worried about a test.

13. Do you go to school?
I’m already through with school, but I still learn new things every day. I learn by listening with my big ears.

14. What are your friends’ names?
I have so many friends that I can’t name them all. I have old friends and new friends, friends that live far away, and friends that I see often. They are all special in their own way.

15. How old are you?
Nobody ever told me how many people years are equal to a bunny year, so I don’t really know.

16. Do you have glasses?
I wear glasses when I am doing detailed work like coloring eggs or reading a letter, but I always take them off when I sleep.

17. Are you smart? How smart?
Of course I am smart. Very smart.

18. What are your grades?
Since I’m not in school anymore, I don’t get grades.

19. Do you have a pet? (Gizmo, a friend’s Guinea pig, was at our house that weekend.) 
Taking care of a pet takes a lot of time. Maybe someday if I retire I’ll have more time to take care of a pet. By the way, Gizmo is very cute. I hope he likes his carrots and lettuce. They are a bunny’s favorite foods, too.

20. Do you play an instrument?
I play anything I can hop on. Music is something that I can use to express my feelings.

21. Will you give us a lot of candy next year?
Haven’t I always given you a lot of candy? I can’t speak about next year, though, because maybe you’ll rather have something else instead of candy.

22. Do you drink soda?
Soda is bad for me.

Sorry I don’t have time to answer all your questions, but I think you might be waking up soon and I have to finish hiding your eggs.
Have a happy Easter.
Love, The Easter Bunny

Page two of the original letter and the Easter Bunny’s responses are below. It looks like the Bunny must have borrowed our computer to type and print this reply, except for one last-minute addition. It was thoughtful of the Easter Bunny to choose a font that could be easily read by children.

Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all of your eggs in one basket.

Evan Esar

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